The terms compatibility and chemistry are often used interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing. A lot of people use the words loosely to try to define that thing which exists in the space between two people—the unspeakable and unseen connection (or lack thereof). But they’re not the same thing at all, and understanding the difference is crucial if you want a <a href="https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice">happy, healthy, and long-term relationship</a>.

COMPATIBILITY VS CHEMISTRY

Compatibility is the natural alignment of lifestyle choices and values of two people. A youth minister and a drug dealer are probably incompatible, and I doubt many end up dating each other.If I value women who are intelligent and educated and I meet a high school dropout who is attracted to guys who have big muscles and like to hunt deer, then we have a fundamental incompatibility that will probably never be overcome and we will never date one another. At least, not for long.Compatibility is about the long-term potential of two people.

WHAT IS COMPATIBILITY?

Navigating the dating landscape with confidence requires that you understand compatibility and chemistry. If you want to ultimately end up enjoying your time with an amazing partner—and I don’t just mean enjoying sex (that should be a given, sex is neat-o), but I mean really, truly enjoying your time together—then you must get a cognitive handle on these emotional indicators of compatibility and chemistry.The most important aspect is understanding what you want—what makes a person compatible with you, what personality traits have chemistry with you?

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Life priorities – Where does each of you see yourself in the next five years? Is it climbing the corporate ladder or living out your days on a tropical beach?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Preferences – Are there activities you both enjoy? Is one of you comfortable living in a dumpster while the other is a clean freak? </li><li class="ql-align-justify">Fundamental beliefs – Is one of you a career scientist, while the other bounces from one conspiracy theory to another?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Values – Our values are the origin from which most (if not all) of the above flow. If your values are not aligned with your significant other’s, then I have bad news for you.</li></ul>

Areas of Compatibility

Spoiler alert: you won’t.Search all you want, but you will never, ever, find someone who has 100% compatibility and chemistry with you.Someone whose life priorities are perfectly aligned with yours may still enjoy completely different leisure activities. You may swoon every time your partner smiles at you, but you get irritated by how they always make that weird sound when breathing.100% compatibility and chemistry don’t exist. You’d be dating yourself. And even then, you’re going to have a bad time—I mean, have you spent any time with yourself lately?

FINDING THE PERFECT FIT

A relationship with high compatibility but little chemistry is likely to be a boring yet comfortable series of meetings and conversations. It will be a dry affair until both parties simply stop caring and drift apart, or they consummate their mutual convenience by getting married and find themselves in a lifetime of uncomplicated and asexual companionship.Chemistry without compatibility, on the other hand, usually leads to disaster. Sometimes it can be as simple as not living in the same part of the world, but often it’s far more complicated than that.

HEALTHY AND TOXIC COMBINATIONS OF COMPATIBILITY AND CHEMISTRY

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">The way your partner laughs at your jokes</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The questions they ask you about your day</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The way you hold each other in bed</li><li class="ql-align-justify">How do they help you decorate your new apartment</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The way they smell</li></ul>

Areas of Chemistry

Chemistry, on the other hand, represents the emotional connection present when two people are together. When there is a high degree of chemistry, that strong connection can bring out warm, fuzzy emotions in each other, creating a kind of positive feedback loop through which two people continue to make each other feel better and better.When you have a high degree of chemistry with someone, they monopolise your thoughts and/or your free time. You’ll stay awake talking till the sun comes up and not even feel like an hour went by. You’ll hope that every call or text is from him/her.

WHAT IS CHEMISTRY?

Many dating advice glosses over the concepts of compatibility and chemistry, assuming most people have an intuitive grasp of what these words mean and why they’re so important to a successful relationship. Everyone assumes we know what compatibility and chemistry mean and whether we have them or not.

Having chemistry and being compatible with someone in a relationship are not the same thing. Here's how to tell them apart.

WHAT IS CHEMISTRY?

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