How You Can Heal Your Attachment Style for Healthy Relationships: From Anxious & Avoidant to Secure

• Trouble feeling or showing emotions.
• Feel uncomfortable with too much physical closeness.
• Get the ick when people are being caring to you.
• Stuck in a serial dating or situationship phase because you fear closeness.
• Self-sabotage and choose wrong partners over and over again.
• Basically, nice guys give you the ick, and you seek out relationships that remind you of the chaos you’re used to.

• "I don’t have time for them. They’re too clingy."
• "I wasn’t meant for relationships. Better off on my own."
• "See, this wouldn’t happen if I was with someone else."
• "I liked this person for so long, but now that they’re reciprocating the energy, I am no longer interested."

• High, rigid, superficial standards.
• Romanticize exes, past situationships, and people you’re not currently with.
• Flirt, lead people on, and breadcrumb for fun.
• Refuse to ask for help.
• Get the ick with a person that treats you right.
• Trust issues.
• Poor self-esteem.
• Don’t like opening up.
• Attach worth to success and achievements.

• Symptoms of avoidant and anxious attachment styles mixed together.
• Crave care from others but push them away when they try to give it to you.
• Sensitive to signs of rejection.
• Shy away from physical closeness and emotional connection.
• Trust issues.
• Mood swings.
• Difficulty communicating needs due to fear of judgment, criticism, and rejection.

Low self-esteem and fear of rejection.

• Inconsistent parenting.
• You’re the best one day and the worst another.

• Clingy and codependent.
• Constantly need validation from others.
• Always want to be around others.
• Need a lot of emotional support.
• Fear abandonment.
• Feel unlovable.
• Feel the need to perform for and earn love.
• Think other people's emotions are because of you.
• Take everything personally.
• Obsessed with a partner.
• Constantly try to think about what other people are thinking about you.
• Lack mindset.
• Difficulty setting boundaries.
• Jealousy.

• Positive outlook on life and dating.
• Maintain long healthy connections with others.
• Don’t overthink.
• Comfortable with intimacy.
• Know when to reach out for support.
• Trusting of others.
• Can communicate needs maturely.
• Can handle conflict maturely.
• Comfortable with alone time.
• Don’t play games.

• Transition from avoidant and anxious to secure attachment styles.

• Build self-awareness around toxic traits.
• Ask for advice/support.
• Gratitude journal about a partner.
• Open mind/flexibility.
• Communicate.
• Date someone with a secure attachment.

• Are attracted to each other.

• Go against limiting beliefs (ask questions).
• Don’t overthink, literally call and ask for reassurance (ask them what they’re thinking).
• Self-validation and confidence building.
• Abundance mindset.
• Addition mindset (what can me and my partner gain from negative experiences).
• Let go of ex and past hurt.
• Detachment.

• What doesn’t feel safe about relationships to me?
• Why do I feel dependency is a bad thing?
• What methods do I use to escape from intimacy?
• What do I fear will happen if I let someone in?
• What does my ideal relationship look like?
• How can I show up for my partner?
• How can I balance independence and deep connections?
• What childhood experiences contributed to my attachment style?
• How has avoidant impacted my relationships?
• What are my toxic traits, patterns, behaviors that represent my attachment style?
• What are insecurities I have around intimacy and connection?
• How do I typically respond when someone’s close?

• What are some limiting beliefs around relationships?
• How can I practice vulnerability without compromising boundaries?
• What are some healthy coping mechanisms I can use when I feel the urge to withdraw?
• What are small steps I can take to start healing?

• Why do I need to be surrounded by others to be happy?
• What do I fear about being alone?
• What experiences from my childhood contributed to my attachment style?
• What are some of my toxic things?
• What are some insecurities around abandonment and rejection?
• How do I respond when I feel my partner is pulling away (thoughts, feelings)?
• What are some limiting beliefs I have?
• How can I practice self-regulation to soothe my anxiety in relationships?
• How have my past relationships and interactions contributed to this?

• What is the root cause of my anxiety when it comes to intimate connections with others?
• Why do I worry about not being good enough for someone?
• What are my biggest triggers in relationships and their root causes?
• What can my partner do to help me feel more secure?
• What are the steps I can take today to start healing?

• I am worthy of love and affection.
• I am capable of building healthy and fulfilling relationships.
• I trust myself to make healthy choices in my relationships.
• I am deserving of kindness and respect in all of my relationships.
• I am capable of setting and enforcing healthy boundaries.
• I am secure and confident enough in myself to know that I am lovable and worthy of someone else’s time and affection.
• I am learning and growing every single day, and my attachment style is improving while I do that.

• I am willing to be vulnerable and open in my relationships because I have a safe space with the people in my life.
• I only choose partners who are loving, supportive, and respectful.
• I am so grateful for all of the love and healthy connections in my life.
• I can be successful in my career and still have a healthy loving relationship.
• I am fulfilled and loved regardless of my partner's actions.
• My partner's need for space is not a reflection of a lack of care for me.

1. Take an attachment style quiz on Google.
2. Research attachment styles and analyze how they apply to your life.
3. Journal and engage in shadow work.
4. List out all your past relationships and create pros and cons lists (helps identify triggers).
5. Develop self-awareness regarding self-sabotaging behaviors and their impact on relationships.
6. Read "Attached" by Dr. Adam Levine and "All About Love" by bell hooks.
7. Consider therapy.