7 Ways You’re Ruining Your Stories (And How to Make People Actually Listen)

Fast forward to today, and I’m the only one who holds the room. I can connect with strangers, lead conversations, and build deeper relationships — all because I learned how to tell a damn good story (and a little bit of confidence).

But storytelling is a double-edged sword. If done right, it's magnetic. But if done wrong, it can kill a conversation, push people away, or leave you looking like a try-hard.

So, let's talk about the biggest storytelling mistakes — the ones that ruin good stories and make people tune out. Avoid them at all costs.

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People don’t remember facts — they remember stories.

I used to tell people about my life like a news anchor. I’d list the place, the time, and what happened, but I never shared how it felt. I never talked about the fear, the excitement, or the little victories that made the moment matter.

Most people do the same. They dump information into conversations without shaping it into a compelling narrative. But when you say facts, people tune out.

Think about a history class where the teacher rattles off dates and names. You've sat through one of those, right? Boooring!

Facts alone don’t make people feel anything . And if there's no emotion, your message won’t stick.

Wrap your facts inside a narrative. Build around what happened using the simplest emotions — fear, excitement, joy, or even disgust.

Don’t start a conversation saying you went on a trip where a lot happened. That's too vague. It gives people no reason to care.

Start with a hook that demands attention.

Once you've pulled them in, you can tell them the facts. And suddenly, your story will become unforgettable.

You will fumble when the moment comes.

Many times, I had the perfect story ready. I could make everyone laugh, grab the spotlight, or turn awkward silence into a moment of connection. But every time, I failed.

Not because I lacked confidence. That helps, sure, but it's not everything. When there was an opportunity to have an impact, to say what everyone was waiting for, often my mind went blank.

The moment passed. The conversation moved on. And later, I thought of ten great stories I could have shared. But it was too late.

Be a story collector.

Pay attention to funny, unexpected, or meaningful moments in your life. Then, keep a mental (or better, physical) list.

What’s the weirdest travel experience you have ever lived?

If someone asked you that right now, would you freeze? Would you scramble for something half-decent to say before the conversation moves on?

You shouldn't have to think. You should already know. So, keep track of your stories so that when the moment comes, you will be ready.

A story without a takeaway is only noise.

When I started experimenting with storytelling, I thought the potential was enough. And every time I had a story with potential, I had to tell it. So, I did. But every time, I wasted it.

I rushed into telling stories to anyone who would listen — except they didn't listen. Because my stories had no point — they interested me because I experienced them. But for everyone else, they were words with no impact.

I rushed into telling stories to anyone who would listen — except they didn't listen. Because my stories had no point — they interested me because I experienced them. But for everyone else, they were words with no impact.

Sometimes, people tell long, winding stories. They are animated. They know how to deliver. Yet, by the time they finish, nobody knows why they said it. It fades into the background.

If a story lacks purpose, it doesn’t stick. It feels like a waste of time rather than an engaging experience.

Why am I telling this?

Ask yourself this question before you start. The story is not ready if you can’t answer in five seconds. You still need to digest and find its purpose.

Maybe you want to make someone laugh. You may want to share a lesson, inspire action, or leave people thinking. Whatever it is, don’t ramble — deliver a point.

If your story has a punchline, get to it. If it teaches something, make it clear. People love stories, but they love takeaways even more.

Emotions make stories stick.

Facts are the backbone of a story. Without them, there's nothing to tell. But emotions are the heart of it. E the most incredible tale will feel flat and forgettable if you strip them away.

Think about your favorite movie. Do you love it for its plot points? Probably not. If you analyze your favorite moments, you’ll notice the key is how it makes you feel. Without emotions, stories lose their impact.

As a storyteller, the hardest thing to do is make people feel what you have felt. And that's because most people try to name emotions instead of showing them.

Most people say they were nervous, happy, or stressed in their stories. But instead, they should show those emotions in another way — in a way that feels original.

Don’t say you were scared — make them feel it. Don't state your excitement — show the adrenaline. Inject feat, excitement, or surprise to bring your story to life.

The more people experience your story with you, the more they’ll remember it.

Nobody likes a self-centered storyteller.

Telling a story where you’re flawless doesn’t make you impressive — it makes you unrelatable.

I’ve done it before. I thought people would admire me. But instead, I came across as bragging, even if it wasn’t my intent.

When you’re the unbeatable hero, the listener feels passive. It becomes only an observer. But people love to be part of the spotlight. So, if you are the hero too often, they will lose interest in your stories — or worse, in you.

Instead of making yourself the start, make the listener the hero.

If you’re giving advice, share a personal failure first so they can relate. People connect more with vulnerability than with perfection.

Also, create tension before anything else. Don’t tell people you are amazing at negotiating now. Tell them how you were terrible before learning a trick. And then, you can tell them what you’ve learned.

It’s a simple shift in focus that makes your story magnetic.

What’s your storytelling business card?

You need a signature story to be a great storyteller — one that ties everything you do and how you act into a single, compelling narrative. This story becomes your common ground, the foundation that makes people connect with you.

Let’s talk about my brand on The Challenge. I often share how my first serious relationship ended because of my stillness and reluctance to grow. That experience pushed me to improve myself in ways I never imagined. And I use it to prove my point every day because stories sell.

If you’re networking, pitching an idea, or only introducing yourself, a list of credentials and achievements won’t make you memorable.

People forget facts, but they remember stories. If you don’t have a story about why you do what you do, you’re missing out on a key opportunity to engage your audience.

Use the story that transformed you — it’s the easiest way to pitch any idea.

Don’t try to sell people a product, a vision, or even yourself without exposing why it matters to you. If you want them to relate, you have to become vulnerable first.

Tell people why you started , and you'll have their attention. Once they connect with your journey, they'll root for you — then, you can tell them whatever you want.

Also, tailor your story to your audience. On The Challenge , I can openly discuss my failed relationship and its consequences. But in a work environment, that might not be the best fit. I may use another story to highlight my teamwork or problem-solving abilities.

Your story is your brand — use it wisely.

There’s a difference between sharing a life lesson and forcing one.

In the first case, people relate to you. They see themselves in your story. In the second case, they feel attacked and immediately lose interest.

Nobody likes to be wrong or have instructions on how to act. So, don’t tell people what they must do, even if you know it’s right.

Morality tales rarely change minds. Instead, they make people defensive.

Let conclusions emerge naturally — don't force them.

If you tell people how to act , they will push back. But if you show them how a lesson changed your life, they will relate.

Allow people to discover the lesson, and they will embrace it far more than if you shove it in their faces.

When I was younger, I was a terrible storyteller. I rarely attempted to tell a story. And when I did, it was weird. My voice rambled, my pacing was off, and my nervousness was impossible to hide.

But after many trials, errors, and self-reflection, I discovered why I was failing.

Now, it's your turn.

This week, practice storytelling in real life. Pick one of these seven fixes and apply it in a conversation. Tell a short, engaging story that makes someone laugh, think, or connect with you.

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