Nobody is perfect but a team can be.

The implementer is the practical person, the organiser who ensures that decisions and plans are converted into concrete actions. They are level-headed and orderly, love working hard and approach matters in a systematic and conscientious way. No talking. Just keep working until the job is done.The implementer is an efficient doer with a practical nature and strong determination. They are loyal, consistent and tenacious. The implementer needs rhythm and routine, fixed agreements and robust structures, and also works continuously on these.

1. Implementer

The Implementer can sometimes be conservative and inflexible, especially if the practical benefit of a new plan or idea is not immediately apparent. In the face of ideas in early stages, unexpected opportunities and changes to plans, they may express blistering criticism and show resistance. This can lead to good innovations sometimes too quickly being set aside as impractical or unbeneficial. Their enormous decisiveness sometimes also causes the Implementer to spring into action too quickly and begin organising, arranging, and structuring before the objective is clearly outlined.

Points of attention for an Implementer

The Resource Investigator is an extrovert and someone who is likeable, cordial, jovial, and always searching for new information and interesting contacts. A curious explorer, who easily makes new contacts and seems to have countless connections. Due to versatile and agile interests, they are often seen as creative, although they are more likely to be an attentive compiler than a real inventor of ideas.The Resource Investigator is focused on brainstorming, innovating and developing, and loves to improvise. Playful, furtive, positive, enthusiastic, they are a permanent source of information.

2. Resource Investigator

The Resource Investigator may suffer from overenthusiasm and is often easily distracted. They may continuously be drawn into appealing, interesting matters that are ultimately irrelevant for the team and may lose focus if the work pressure (or the appeal of novelty) decreases. They are nonchalant with regard to details or matters that their hearts are not in.

Points of attention for a Resource Investigator

The Plant is the innovator, the inventor, the creative, conceptual thinker whose ideas and alternatives distinguish themselves in originality and imagination. The Plant is a free spirit who needs the space to daydream, to design strategies and scenarios for the future, and to constantly find surprising, new solutions to old problems.The Plant is introverted and idiosyncratic. They prefer their own solutions and prefer to work somewhat detached from the team. The Plant channels a great deal of energy into their inventions and can sometimes have trouble keeping their feet on the ground.

3. Plant

The creative efforts of the Plant do not always align with the needs of the team or the assignment. They can think far ahead and because of that may lose sight of the here and now. Moreover, they sometimes struggle to put their views into words in clear and concise language, causing them to lose connection with the team. The Plant may feel insulted and hide away if their ideas are received with criticism. They may feel discouraged from proposing ideas in a group if the other personality types are too result oriented and practically minded.

Points of attention for a Plant

The Monitor is the thoughtful evaluator and deliberator, whose contribution is rooted in logical analysis. The Monitor wants to know why, wants to investigate and understand. They quickly identify the weaknesses in a plan or argument.The Monitor looks for insight and overview, and loves to contemplate. They are sensible and cautious and like to have things explained to them. They also like to explain everything, which can result in it taking them a long time to take a decision. But even if they can sometimes barely stop their deliberations, their conclusion is rarely incorrect.

4. Monitor

The Monitor can sometimes be overly critical, causing new, immature ideas to be disqualified in advance and the decision making to be delayed because they constantly put forward new issues and condemn solutions. They can suddenly become competitive, entering into intelligent but stubborn debate with other Monitors and Plants. In addition, they tend to be slow to act, even if quick action is required.

Points of attention for a Monitor

The Shaper is a driven, strong-willed person with a great deal of energy and a strong drive to perform. They are quick, impulsive and impatient. The Shaper challenges others and easily feels challenged themselves. They enjoy confrontation and adversarial debate. They like to think things are black/white and you’re either for or against. They are extremely result oriented and will do everything to win. The Shaper is focused on results, takes ownership of those results, and knows how to get others moving. The Shaper is a bold and outspoken entrepreneur, who makes sure things are set in motion.

5. Shaper

With all their willpower, a Shaper may override other members of the team, especially if they are in a position of authority. Moreover, they may compete for the role of expert, especially against the Plant and the Monitor.

Points of attention for a Shaper

The Coordinator constantly seeks consensus within the group. They are the natural coordinator who looks after procedures, helps team members clarify intentions and summarises what everyone wants. They have a nose for talent, encourage every team member to use their talents, and know how to utilise people to their full potential. Therefore, delegating comes naturally to them allowing them to maintain oversight. The Coordinator is extrovert, positive and open-minded, but does tend to stick to protocol. They do not typically possess remarkable intellectual or creative talent.

6. Coordinator

A Coordinator aims for results and can really push for decisions. By putting too much emphasis on speed and progress in decision making, certain talents tend to go underutilised. In addition, a Coordinator can be overly procedural and hold on to an “all decisions are final” view, even if relevant new insights or questions emerge. Their attempts to garner support can come across as manipulative.

Points of attention for a Coordinator

The Completer Finisher is the team role talent with a strong sense for danger and potential errors. In addition, they exercise great care towards both people and matters and want to get everything done neatly, as agreed, and down to the last detail. The Completer Finisher constantly monitors, based on feeling, whether everything is still going as it should. Where necessary, they check things right down to the smallest detail.The Completer Finisher takes charge of quality assurance. They impose extremely high standards and often have little tolerance for those who don't make a proper effort.

7. Completer Finisher

Completer Finishers have a strong intuition for things that go wrong but they also tend to worry about things that are not really obstacles. This can have a discouraging effect on the team and apply the brakes too much. In the face of changes, their eye for detail sometimes becomes overactive, overemphasising details that have not yet been filled in, causing them to become insecure and rigid or even to display strong resistance to the change altogether. They can be intolerant towards people with a more superficial and adventurous attitude.

Points of attention for a Completer Finisher

The Team-worker is the most empathic and supportive member of the team. They are helpful, accommodating and strongly focused on creating a pleasant atmosphere and a sense of togetherness. They are good listeners and encourage others to listen as well.The Team-worker seeks balance and harmony and tries to prevent conflict through tact and diplomacy. Using their highly sensitive social antennae and communicative agility, the Team-worker fosters team spirit and knows how to bring people together. The Team-worker struggles with conflict and may have trouble taking decisions at critical times.

8. Team-worker

The harmonious Team-worker may shy away from confrontations and struggle to take decisions if there are clear differences of opinion within a group. Sometimes they can create an atmosphere in which things are not taken very seriously. By keeping things airy, jokey, and superficial, the difficult decisions tend not to be made. Because they struggle to address and discuss tensions, they may resort to gossiping or creating alliances against another team member.

Points of attention for a Team-worker

The Specialist is a dedicated professional, whose contribution primarily lies in their technical skills and specialist knowledge.The specialist is a silent and unwavering soloist, who prioritises upholding professional standards and defending their specific field of expertise.The Specialist does not readily venture beyond the boundaries of their field of expertise and is often not particularly interested in the professional fields of others. The Specialist prefers to focus on one thing. On that foundation, they build a relationship with the outside world and in this way develop into an expert.

9. Specialist

A Specialist is fully focused on their role as an expert, often causing them to frustrate the more creative and shaping members of a team and to respond defensively to anyone who interferes in their work. They can sometimes be so solitary that they only want to take part in the conversation if it touches on their expertise, causing their involvement with the team as a whole to disappear (Splendid Isolation).

Points of attention for a Specialist

Do you want a collection of brilliant minds or a brilliant collection of minds?

Belbin discovered 9 different team roles and concluded that, based on their unique personality, everyone has two to three team roles that suit them. What role you utilise depends on the situation you find yourself in.

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

strategy

Strategy

teamwork

Teamwork

humanresources

Human Resources

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Leadership & Management

Belbin’s Team Roles 

At the Henley Management College, Meredith Belbin dedicated several years to researching the functioning of management teams in the 1970s and 1980s. In this research, he had teams of all kinds of compositions compete against each other while very closely studying the dynamics within the teams. Together with a mountain of psychometric data, these observations resulted in several very interesting conclusions.

Belbin’s research

The more diversity in a team, the more successful the team will be. Especially if the task of the team is a complex one, a variety of different personalities shows to be an important factor for success. The more diversity, the better, because it allows the members of the team to complement and supplement each other.That sounds logical, but diversified teams are seldom the norm in practice.And homogeneous teams turn out not to be that successful at all, according to Belbin’s research. On the contrary, these teams often functioned less successfully and struggled to take decisions.

Conclusion 1: Diversity

Put the right person in the right place.And if you then create a diverse team with different team roles, then let those team members do what they are good at. In a football match you wouldn’t use your goalie as a striker, would you? A team is successful through the collaboration of different team roles because they supplement each other. By having a keen eye for the different talents within the team and having their different tasks align with their qualities, you can make the most efficient use of the differences.

Conclusion 2: Allocation

Every person is authentic in 2 to 3 roles.Belbin discovered 9 different team roles and concluded that, based on their unique personality, everyone has two to three team roles that suit them. What role you utilise depends on the situation you find yourself in. These two to three authentic roles come fairly effortlessly, they’re performed naturally. The other six team roles cost more energy and feel unnatural. And yet, Belbin discovered that team members would sometimes take on those roles. He referred to this as “role sacrifice”. (More about each role > in the next article).

Conclusion 3: Aithen

Belbin concluded that if people work in a team, they have three types of roles within that team:Professional role – A person’s expertise within a specific area. E.g. sales or finance.Organisational role – A person’s position in the organisation and the duties and responsibilities that come with that position. E.g. assistant or director.Personality role – This is the team role that Belbin’s model is all about, the characterising way in which someone behaves, makes their contribution, and interacts with others. E.g. Shaper and Team-worker.

The Three Type Of Roles

A team is not a bunch of people with job titles, but a congregation of individuals, each of whom has a role that is understood by other members.

In the 1960s, as organisations started to become larger and more complex, management teams began to be formed, replacing the single director who managed every aspect of the organisation. With the emergence of management teams, the question arose: what makes a team successful?

What makes a team successful? 

BREAKTHROUGH BY UNCOVERING WHAT IS ALREADY WITHIN YOU

Many professionals operate below the radar of their true capabilities - hiding strengths that could make a significant difference.

Are you ready to lead from your strengths? Send me an email at: coaching@claudianechifor.nl or fill in this intake form and I’ll reach out to you: https://form.typeform.com/to/dUk5qghX

Enable Your Strengths

How aligned are your strengths with your values and with your company’s vision?

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Career

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Learning & Education

Strengths based coaching 

When planning for success, it’s not enough to focus only on what should go right—we also need to consider what could go wrong.What do we need to stay away from when planning for success?

What Does Failure Look Like in Your Plan?

When planning for a recent project with my team, I felt the excitement—everyone was enthusiastic, driven, and the data suggested we had every reason to succeed.Everything seemed too perfect.That triggered the skeptical side of me: It can’t be that easy. What could go wrong here? Are we missing something?And the answer was—we were missing critical elements we didn’t have insights about, but has led to a different set of actions to take and collect information.

When Everything Seems Too Perfect

One of the coaching tools I use is called the “extreme axes.”On the left end, I ask my clients to highlight the least favorable points—scenarios they absolutely want to avoid. It’s natural that, along the journey, there will be fallback moments, and that’s okay. But it’s important to visualize how far back we might fall and how close we could get to an undesired result.

The Extreme Axes

Urgency is not always created by a deadline or a finish line—it can also be created by the consequences of failure.If we do nothing, or if we take the wrong action, what is the outcome?Are we satisfied with the consequences of inaction or missteps?John Kotter, in A Sense of Urgency, introduces the idea of “jitter”—that uncomfortable energy or tension that comes when people start to feel the pressure of reality. It’s not panic. It’s not anxiety. It’s a healthy, productive discomfort that pushes people to act before it’s too late.

Urgency Through Consequences

When we ignore the jitter, we may delay action until it’s no longer impactful. But when we acknowledge it, that subtle internal alert becomes a driver—fueling focus, intention, and momentum.Instead of avoiding discomfort, we can learn to use it as a signal: something needs attention now.

Ignoring The Jitter - The Fall Back

We knew what we knew, but we didn’t know what we didn’t know. Hidden factors—both positive and negative—were lurking beneath all that optimism. The result of that pause, of exploring the other end of the axis— still to come.Stay tuned..

So, we paused and brainstormed: What could go wrong?

If the opposite of being successful is true, what could lead to failure?

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Motivation & Inspiration

problemsolving

Problem Solving

A Plan to Failure..

In my professional life I’ve come across 5 different styles of leadership. I’m not saying there are only 5, but these are the ones I’ve learned from in practice. From “she is my colleague” to “I’m her boss” which are the extreme examples, I’ve learned probably enough to know what kind of leader I want to become.

Different Styles Of Leadership

I barely saw them—but I never doubted they had my back. My first leader was almost never around. I could go months without a 1:1, and if we did meet, it was either for a long holiday request or a full-blown escalation. Yet, somehow, this worked for me as my role was so clearly defined that I rarely needed him. And when I did? He were there. I’ve learned this way that PRESENCE isn’t about visibility—it’s about reliability. A leader’s job isn’t to micromanage but to create a structure where the team can thrive independently.5.

1. The One I Didn’t See - The Ghost Leader

He never gave me answers—just better questions. This leader called us "colleagues" and "experts," never "subordinates." He publicly celebrated the team and gave us the spotlight. But here’s the catch: If I went to him with a problem, he would throw it back at me—"What do YOU think we should do?" At first, it frustrated me. Then, it trained me to think like a leader.  Lesson: The best leaders don’t solve your problems—they teach you to solve them yourself.

2. The One With The Challenge - The Coach Leader

He reminded me nothing always have to be so serious.Laughter was this leader’s secret weapon. Tense meeting? A well-timed joke lightened the mood. High-pressure project? A quick laugh kept us sane. While I sometimes wished for more hands-on support, their ability to defuse stress taught me that a relaxed team is a creative team.  Lesson: Culture matters. If people are too afraid to breathe, they’ll never take risks—or do their best work.

3. The One With The Jokes - The Funny Leader

This leader protected us like a shield.Years of experience meant this leader knew exactly what our team should (and shouldn’t) work on. He said "no" so we didn’t drown in the overwhelming ocean of tasks, and he delegated with high precision. From this leader, I learned the power of boundaries—and that leadership isn’t just about doing more, but doing the right things. Lesson: A leader’s job is to focus the team’s energy, not just amplify it.

4. The One With The Boundaries - The Gatekeeper Leader

This one wasn’t afraid to own their authority. This leader didn’t shy from hierarchy. Phrases like "I’m the manager" or “She works for me" rubbed me the wrong way—after all, we all work for the business, not a person. But beneath the ego, there was a lesson: Unshakable self-belief. I have learned this way that: Confidence isn’t arrogance. You don’t have to shout your title, but you should know your worth.

5. The One With The Power- The Boss Leader

No single style I’ve come across is perfect—but every leader I’ve worked with taught me something valuable. Now, I borrow from all of them: <ul><li>Be reliable, even if you’re not always visible.</li><li>Push your team to think, not just execute.</li><li>Keep the mood light—stress kills creativity.</li><li>Protect your team’s time like it’s gold.</li><li>Own your role—but wear your ego silently.</li></ul>

The Takeaway

There is enough spotlight for everyone in your team to shine.

Own your power - but wear your ego silently.

Leadership isn’t one-size-fits-all. Over my career, I’ve worked under (and learned from) five very different leaders—each with their own strengths, quirks, and lessons. Here’s how they influenced the person I am today.

The 5 Leadership Styles That Shaped Me

The worst kind of leadership is when a leader behaves like a domineering boss, making others feel insignificant. But let’s have a look at the other extreme where the leader believes that leadership means bearing every burden themselves. Joanna, one of my clients in coaching, started our session saying “My team trusts me—they followed my vision, feed off my passion, and leans on my expertise. Yet, I hesitated to delegate, not because I don’t trust them, but because I don’t want to let them down.”

The Leader Who Carried It All

The silent mantra that doesn’t let us delegate:"If I don’t do it, it might fail—and if it fails, I’ll have let them down."

It hit her when we tried to laugh about it:  "Why delegate when you can overwork, overstress, and overcontrol?"The punchline? The only person she was controlling was herself—into exhaustion.The irony was undeniable. She wanted to build empires—multiple businesses, global collaborations—but she was stuck in a loop of self-sabotage. Her "hard work" wasn’t scaling; it was suffocating her true potential.

The Joke That Exposed The Truth

The breakthrough came when she realized:  1. Delegation isn’t abandonment. It’s an invitation for others to grow.  2. Clarity dissolves fear. Defining outcomes and timelines first gave her the safety net to let go.  3. Her survival mode was outdated. The skills that got her here (hyper-independence) wouldn’t get her there (scale).  She started small, sketched a few deliverables with a low to medium-risk task, handed it off, and watched two things happen:  - Her team stepped up.  - Nothing collapsed.

The Shift: From Martyr To Multiplier

Now, she has designed a new playbook for her leadership style:- Pre-delegation clarity: "What does ‘done’ look like?" (Write it first.)  - The 10% rule: If she was doing more than 10% of someone else’s job, she would be the bottleneck.  - Humorous accountability: When she slips into "martyr mode," she would repeat: "Delegate first, apologize never (unless you micromanage—then apologize profusely)."

The System for Confident Leadership

Leadership isn’t about carrying the weight alone. It’s about creating structures where others can lift with you. And sometimes, it takes a sarcastic joke to expose the absurdity of the old way—so you can finally change it.

The Lesson

<ol><li>When people follow you, what are they actually trusting?</li><li>What’s the fear underneath your ‘protecting the team’ narrative?</li><li>What if success isn’t perfect outcomes, but collective growth?</li></ol> The turning point? A sarcastic joke:  "Teamwork makes the dream work… unless I do all the work myself."

The coaching questions that forced her to get real:

P.S. My DMs are open if you want to shift your leadership perspective. No "overworking" required.

Drop a 🔥 if you’ve ever been stuck in "hero mode”

Designing a System for Confident Leadership.

Why Delegate When You Can Overwork, Overstress, and Overcontrol?

Validation, a sense of control, and security are the main human desires at work. But when we rely too much on external validation, it can feel like the ground is shaking beneath us. We lose our footing, our confidence wavers, and suddenly, leadership feels overwhelming.  So, how do we regain that sense of control?  The answer is simple in theory but takes practice to master: Find validation from within.

VALIDATION, CONTROL & SECURITY

Anna, a new client in my coaching practice, had just become a Scrum Master. She led a team of brilliant designers and engineers, yet she came to our first session with one pressing goal: "I need to find a way to please everyone."She explained that whenever she thought something was right, her team disagreed—and vice versa. She was stuck in a loop, constantly second-guessing herself.The struggle: "What they think is right" vs. "What I think is right." She was relying entirely on external validation.

The Trap of External Validation – Anna’s Story

Anna’s reliance on external validation also showed up in how she structured her one-on-one meetings. She wanted clear instructions on what to do, yet she was doing the same thing to her team—dictating how meetings should run without leaving room for their own adjustments. This was a leadership paradox: She applied a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach, even though she knew her team members had different personalities. I asked her: "How can something be right for both you and the person you’re speaking to?

The One-on-One Routines Dilemma

Anna realized that recognizing her team’s unique personalities wasn’t enough—she had to act on it. Leadership isn’t about finding one right way and sticking to it. People are different, and what works for one person may not work for another.

Leadership Isn’t a Standard Toolbox – It’s Custom-Built

True leadership is about:<ol><li>Adapting in the moment – Building the right approach for each person, project, and conversation. </li><li>Letting go of "right vs. wrong" – There’s no universal playbook, only what serves the situation best. </li><li>Embracing discomfort – Growth happens when we step away from what’s familiar and try something new. </li></ol> The Right Leadership Is Fluid

FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEADERSHIP

Leadership isn’t about finding one right way and sticking to it. The right leadership is fluid.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I doing the right thing?"
If you’re a first-time leader, this question might feel all too familiar.

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Communication

Am I Doing the Right Thing? – How to Lead with Confidence When Doubt Creeps In

You’ve probably heard the classic breakup line: “It’s not you, it’s me.” But I’ve always added my own twist: “It’s me I don’t like around you.”I’ve been told more times than I can count that I should “choose life over career.” And sure, I’ve tried believing that—only to end up frustrated with myself for making choices based on others’ expectations instead of my own. Truth is: I don’t like who I become around people who constantly tell me I need to change.

LABEL #1 LOVEAHOLIC VS WORKAHOLIC

How can we connect without the weight of labels?Why does getting to know someone feel so complicated? Because we slap labels on everything—dating, relationship, situationship—and suddenly, expectations pile up.  What if we could just meet, be, laugh, and enjoy without the pressure to fit into a role? “Just be yourself” sounds simple, but in a dating or relationship dynamic, “yourself” often gets molded into a role—the caretaker, the giver, the lover. So who are we outside these labels? And how do we stay true to ourselves when meeting someone new?

LABEL #2 DATING VS RELATIONSHIP

What does “the best” really mean?* The best moment. The best kiss. The best sex.But what makes something “the best”? And why should the other person believe it? I’m a naturally curious person, so when someone throws around phrases like that, I always wonder: What’s the benchmark? What makes this stand above everything else?

LABEL #3 THE BEST …I’VE EVER HAD

What’s Hiding Behind Your Labels?

What other labels do you encounter daily? Workaholic. Dating. Relationship. The best. What do they really mean—and how do they shape how you see yourself?  Note: This article isn’t about right or wrong answers. It’s about awareness. Your truth is different from mine. And the more we question these labels, the more clearly we see what’s actually true for us.

NO RIGHT OR WRONG

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Personal Development

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Love & Relationships

The Freedom of No Labels: Who Are You Really? 

I like to think that ANGER is one of the most powerful and important emotions. While I spent years trying to repress it because I thought it only hurts people around me, in the end it taught me one of the most important lessons.
If ANGER would be a person and had a voice it would tell us that a boundary needs to be set or an existing one is being violated. And when we don’t acknowledge it, in most cases it intensifies. And when it’s combined with fear becomes anxiety. At least for me it did.
Scroll down to see how to release it.

Teacher #1 ANGER

While FEAR is considered one of the major obstacles in achieving our big goals, it is also an emotion that keeps us aware. If FEAR was a person, it would tell us that something important needs to be known before it becomes a danger for us. Fear is like a wake up call to reality. Deny it, and it might become true if it’s not listened to.

Teacher #2 FEAR

The energy of loss - SADNESS - is usually what keeps us loyal to people and things we don’t want to lose. But if SADNESS would be a person, it would teach us that we need to let go, and say goodbye to old ideas, people or projects that no longer serve their purpose. Once it was meaningful, but now is going away and we need to move on with something NEW.

Teacher #3 SADNESS

Finally some positive emotions. For a long time I believed that only negative emotions help us learn and develop ourselves. But I was wrong. If there is something that JOY taught me recently is that something needs to be appreciated and celebrated. Not only negative emotions need to be expressed, but also the positive ones. So don’t ignore this one. A good celebration boosts our motivation. Somehow many leaders are so focused on results that they forget to just pause and celebrate the wins. Both small and big.

Teacher #4 JOY

I bet you didn’t expect this one. I also didn’t. And just to be clear, I’m not talking about physical attraction in the work place.In a recent chapter of a book I read that sexual feelings are the energy of creativity and creation. Felt usually in the pelvic area of our body, if this emotion were a person it would tell us that something new needs to be birthed or created. It would tell us that something inside us, that we desire so much, needs to be expressed. Like being pregnant with ideas and innovation.

Teacher #5 SEXUAL FEELING

We can ignore or accept these 5 emotions as teachers in our life. But if you are a new leader and you choose to listen to these 5 teachers and what you can learn from them, here is how:<ol><li>LOCATE THE EMOTION IN YOUR BODY. What is the body part that feels that emotion more intense? </li><li>NAME THE EMOTION. If you were to introduce the emotion to someone, how would you call it? </li><li>GIVE IT A SOUND. If this emotion would have a voice, how would it sound?</li><li>RELEASE IT. By accepting that it exists and is present in your body, you will start feeling at ease. The same way we want to be seen, so does every emotion. </li></ol>

GROWTH vs LIMITING MINDSET

Manage your emotions before managing people and you’ll be a great leader.

Leading positions can be overwhelming. I see people thrive and people who struggle with complex emotions in their first role as a leader. Here are 5 teachers every new leader can benefit from:

5 important teachers for every NEW leader

Living single in your early 30s can feel either terrifying or exhilarating—like you’re untouchable one moment and questioning everything the next.  FREEDOM impacts each of us differently. Some people thrive in solitude, while others feel most free within a secure relationship. As I write this, I’m reminded that freedom is one of my core values—one I fiercely protect.  If freedom matters to you, you’ve probably felt that internal alarm when it’s threatened. This makes dating in our 30s feel tougher than in our 20s—we know ourselves better, and we’re more aware of what’s at stake: our values.

30 Years Old And Free

People who prioritize their freedom aren’t immediately available. Yet somehow, that makes them immediately more attractive.  I’ve been on both sides—drawn to unavailable men and being the unavailable one for men who wanted me. Both experiences taught me the same lesson, which became a firm belief: It’s not unavailability itself that’s attractive, but someone’s ability to stand by their values.So I wonder: Are we really drawn to them, or to the self-respect and loyalty one embodies —qualities we wish we had more of ourselves?

Here’s the catch:

<ul><li>Does this explain why we sometimes chase self-centered people, even when they’re not particularly smart or physically attractive?  </li></ul>And more importantly, does it also explain why, when someone seems too eager to have us, we don’t feel special—but uneasy? As if it’s not really about us, but about what we represent: strong boundaries and unshaken values.  <ul><li>Is availability unattractive? And since healthy relationships require both people to be present, how do we balance the two?  </li></ul>

Here’s Some Reflection:

How can availability become attractive?

Belbin’s Team Roles

What makes a team successful?

Strengths based coaching

A Plan to Failure..

The 5 Leadership Styles That Shaped Me

Claudia Nechifor