The Stoic philosophers in ancient Greece discovered that our emotions aren’t caused by the things that happen to us, but by the thoughts these events trigger. Our frustration often arises from automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). "This project is a disaster.” “Those people just don’t understand.” “It’s useless talking to him.” “I’ll never be able to do this right.” When we experience ANTs, we move away from fact-based reasoning and instead fall prey to mental distortions.

Automatic negative thoughts

<ol><li>Mind reading: We assume we know the other person's thoughts or feelings.</li><li>Mental filtering: You pay attention to a small set of observations and ignore all others. You may focus on one critical comment while ignoring the positive comments.</li><li>Labelling: Using dismissive words that prevent us from thinking more objectively, such as "incompetent," "Disgusting," or "frustrating."</li><li>Blame: Assigning blame to yourself or others, while the actual cause for a problem may lie elsewhere.</li><li>All-or-nothing thinking: Someone is either a hero or a zero. A choice is either perfect or wrong.</li></ol>

Five common negative mindsets

We can all inadvertently sabotage ourselves with these toxic ways of thinking.


Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

problemsolving

Problem Solving

5 negative mindsets that can wreck your judgment

"May the 4th be with you." It's the famous Star Wars pun that launched a holiday, and for good reason. It's clever, it's catchy, and everyone loves Star Wars. But just how did that clever turn of phrase turn into a bona fide Star Wars holiday that fans celebrate on the fourth of May?Not all that long ago, in this very galaxy, Star Wars fans found a really good excuse to celebrate their obsession on Star Wars Day, aka May the 4th.

Star Wars Day

<ul><li>The phrase "May the Fourth be with you, Maggie" originated in England's conservative party, the Tories, after Margaret Thatcher won the election to become the first female prime minister of the United Kingdom.</li><li>While the pun stuck and became popular with Star Wars fans, it didn't cross over into mainstream pop culture for another 20 years.</li><li>It wasn't until the early 2000s that fans were using it constantly on social media.</li></ul>

Unlikely Origins Of Star Wars Day

In 2012, Disney bought Lucasfilm and the Star Wars franchise, so it made sense for them to embrace May 4th as a public holiday.It began as an unofficial holiday and was more of an unofficial recognition of the franchise than an official holiday until the California legislature voted in 2019 to officially make it a holiday.

Star Wars Day Is An Actual Holiday

<ul><li>Star Wars parties, themed food, movie marathons, and charity events</li><li>The 501st Legion, Darth Vader and stormtroopers from the 501st make appearances at children’s hospitals</li><li>Merchandise is sold and important to the success of the franchise</li><li>Ask Alexa to use the Force</li></ul>

Everything Star Wars On 4th May

<ul><li>There are a slew of new Star Wars movies and TV shows slated for the very near future, but the only one slated for May 4th this year is the behind-the-scenes special Disney Gallery: The Book of Boba Fett</li><li>Other 2022 highlights include Andor, a Disney+ prequel series to Rogue One that follows rebel spy and future hero Cassian Andor.</li><li>Most of them are TV series or on OTT platforms like Disney+, instead of being theatrical releases.</li></ul>

Future Instalments In The Franchise

How did the phrase “May the 4th be with you” lead to a Star Wars holiday? Find out the surprising answer—and how to celebrate, Jedi style.

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Science Fiction

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Movies & Shows

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Society, Arts & Culture

May the 4th Be with You: All About the Star Wars Holiday

Research shows that active listening — putting your full focus on your conversational partner to truly understand their message — can help us anticipate problems, resolve conflicts, expand our knowledge and build trust. And like any skill, active listening can be practiced and cultivated.

Active listening is a learnable skill

<ul><li>If you really want to be an active, empathic listener, you need to put away your devices and be fully present.</li><li>When we multitask, our attention is divided between multiple streams of information — and we’re not great at taking it all in. </li><li>Our distractions aren’t always external. When you find yourself zoning out or daydreaming during a conversation, just recognize that it’s happening and bring yourself back to what’s going on right in front of you. </li></ul>

Put away your phone (and other distractions)

The best listeners aren’t just statues absorbing information — they also know what to say and when to say it.  <ul><li>Posing clarifying or open-ended questions says to the other person you’re paying attention and encourages them to elaborate. It can also help them gain new insights and explore avenues they haven’t previously thought of. </li><li>Summarize. Periodically paraphrasing the other person’s message can help make them feel seen and heard and build trust. </li><li>Listen without judgment. This means being accepting of their beliefs, values, and experiences, even when they’re different from your own. </li></ul>

Reflect back on what you’ve heard

Nonverbal communication — the ways we express thoughts or messages without speech, like our facial expressions, body movement, posture, eye contact or touch — can be just as powerful as what we say out loud.That’s because our facial expressions reflect our internal states — and this is a vital social skill that we begin developing from an early age.

Let nonverbal cues speak for you, too 

<ul><li>Make eye contact. Looking someone in the eye while they’re speaking indicates that you’re interested and invites them to continue sharing. Experts recommend using the 50/70 rule: Try to maintain eye contact 50 percent of the time when speaking, and 70 percent of the time when listening.</li><li>Have an open posture. Active listeners often lean slightly towards the other person or tilt their head. On the other hand, if you turn away from them or look away while they’re speaking, you’ll likely appear disengaged. </li><li>Mirror facial expressions. Reflecting the other person’s emotions can show you empathize. </li></ul>

Nonverbal communication: the basics

Active listening can improve your connections with others. And like any skill, it can be practiced and cultivated. Here are three easy ways to start.

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Communication

Want to have better, deeper conversations? Try this

ll of us have heard tips for “netiquette” – those helpful hints for avoiding offense or miscommunication in the messages we send. But neither good intentions nor perfect email etiquette will necessarily avoid problems. This is because email readers are often subject to what’s called “negative intensification bias”. They often read into messages negativity the sender didn’t intend, or they exaggerate even a hint of negativity.

Offended by an innocent work email 

<ul><li>Given the volume of workplace emails, an occasional negative exchange is probably inevitable. However, certain features of email may make matters worse, increasing the likelihood of miscommunication and conflict escalation.</li><li>For example, compared to face-to-face communication, email entails delayed feedback. In face-to-face communication we’re better able to monitor and repair misunderstandings in real time.</li><li>Emails also involve reduced “social presence” – the perception the other person is real and “there” in the interaction. Delayed feedback increases the chances of misunderstanding, and low social presence can lower inhibitions and encourage angry replies or “flaming”.</li></ul>

The risk of unintended meanings

'Negative intensification bias' can leave us offended by an innocent work email – but there are ways to avoid it.

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Career

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Marketing & Sales

The bias that makes innocent emails seem offensive

The end-of-history illusion is when we underestimate how much our personalities, work situations and values will change in the future.
The end-of-history illusion was coined in 2013. It is based on a series of studies showing that people tend to think that they will change relatively little in the future, even though they've changed tremendously in the past.

The end-of-history illusion

People believe that the person they are now will be who they are for the rest of their lives. It can create certain effects: <ul><li>Reactive life choices. It is easier to default to what you are now rather than to work towards what you want to be.</li><li>Fixed mindset. "I'm too introverted to make friends", or "my job will always come first". A fixed mindset may prevent us from changing for the better.</li><li>Short-sighted planning. We can become overly optimistic or pessimistic, leading to short-sighted planning.</li></ul>

The impact of the end-of-history illusion

<ul><li>Take the time to consider who you were three years ago. What kinds of activities did you like? What type of work did you lie the most? Who were your friends? </li><li>Now consider who you are right now. Consider your current friends, activities you like now, and your work priorities. </li></ul>Thinking about our past selves can help foster the right mindset about how we might change in the future.

Reflect on your past self

Consider penning down a vision statement - what you really want in the future. Ask yourself:<ul><li>What will a typical day look like?</li><li>What will your work environment look like?</li><li>How much money do you want to make?</li></ul> Also consider relationships, children, running a company, or speaking another language. Once you have written your vision statement, you can plan to change for the better.

Imagine your ideal future self

Sharing your personal vision is vital to help keep you accountable. It compels you to change your behaviour to be consistent with your story. Your trusted colleagues and friends can also cheer you along the way.

Share your personal vision

Most people believe that their personalities, work situations, and values won’t change much in the future, even though they have changed tremendously in the past. This is because of a phenomenon called the end-of-history illusion.

How the end-of-history illusion prevents you from shaping your future self

June 30th is Social Media Day, created in 2010 by Mashable, an online entertainment and media business.Social media has impacted our lives in numerous ways, helping groups of people communicate, and bringing people closer together for events and celebrations. We can easily be in touch with friends and family, and also use it as a tool to influence others.

Social Media Day

Social media day is best celebrated using social media! We can add a hashtag(#socialmediaday) update the Facebook or Whatsapp status, or even explore other platforms like TikTok.Social media is a major factor nowadays, for better or worse. We do not need to compare ourselves with others in a negative way, as what is shown on social media is what others want us to see.

How To Celebrate Social Media Day

It happens when people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.
People place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points.

The Framing Effect

Tactical empathy means balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view.

Tactical Empathy

"Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do."

<ul>
<li>The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home represent negotiations.</li>
<li>Negotiation serves two distinct functions: information gathering and behavior influencing—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something from the other side.</li>
<li>Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.</li>
</ul>

Life Is A Negotiation

"Negotiation as you’ll learn it here is nothing more than communication with results. Getting what you want out of life is all about getting what you want from—and with—other people. Conflict between two parties is inevitable in all relationships. So it’s useful—crucial, even—to know how to engage in that conflict to get what you want without inflicting damage."

Your most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice.There are essentially 3 voice tones available to negotiators: <ul><li>The late-night FM DJ voice: Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow, to create an aura of authority.</li><li>The positive/playful voice: It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person.</li><li>The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback.</li></ul>

Your Voice When Negotiating

Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.
The passage of time is one of the most important tools for a negotiator. When you slow the process down, you also calm it down. After all, if someone is talking, they’re not shooting.

Passage Of Time: The Most Important Tool For Negotiators

"The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. The latter will help you discover the former."

A “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting

The Mirroring Technique

Instead of ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify or influence them.Labeling is a technique used to acknowledge a counterpart’s emotion, leaving them feeling validated:<ul><li>Detect the other person’s emotional state</li><li>After spotting an emotion you want to highlight, label it aloud without using “I” statements</li><li>After throwing out a label, be quiet and listen.</li><li>You’re dealing with a person who wants to be appreciated and understood. So use labels to reinforce and encourage positive perceptions and dynamics.</li></ul>

Labelling Emotions

"Great negotiators seek 'No' because they know that’s often when the real negotiation begins."

<ul><li>No” allows the real issues to be brought forth</li><li>“No” protects people from making—and lets them correct— ineffective decisions</li><li> “No” slows things down so that people can freely embrace their decisions and the agreements they enter into</li><li>“No” helps people feel safe, secure, emotionally comfortable, and in control of their decisions</li><li>“No” moves everyone’s efforts forward.</li></ul>

“No” Has A Lot Of Skills

Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs (it conveys true understanding of someone's reality).Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right.” The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “the world according to . . .

Negotiation: "That’s Right" > " Yes'

<ul><li>Don’t try to force your opponent to admit that you are right.</li><li>Avoid questions that can be answered with “Yes” or tiny pieces of information. Ask calibrated questions that start with the words “How” or “What.”</li><li>“Why” is always an accusation, in any language.</li><li>Calibrate your questions to point your counterpart toward solving your problem.</li><li>When you’re attacked in a negotiation, pause and avoid angry emotional reactions.</li><li>There is always a team on the other side. If you are not influencing those behind the table, you are vulnerable.</li></ul>

Create The Illusion of Control

It means getting the other person to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation.
In doing so, it uncovers problems before they happen. It’s really hard to repeatedly lie or fake conviction.

The Rule Of Three In Negotiation

People who are lying are more worried about being believed, so they work harder at being believable.The researchers dubbed this the Pinocchio Effect because, just like Pinocchio’s nose, the number of words grew along with the lie.

The Pinocchio Effect

<ul><li>The accomodator: The most important thing to this type of negotiator is the time spent building the relationship; as long as there is a freeflowing continuous exchange of information time is being well spent.</li><li>The analyst: Analysts are methodical and diligent. They are not in a big rush.</li><li>The assertive: The Assertive type believes time is money; every wasted minute is a wasted dollar.</li></ul>Knowing their negotiation style will help you to find the correct way to approach them.

Identify Your Counterpart’s Negotiating Style 

<ul><li>Positive Leverage: Your ability as a negotiator to supply or withhold things that your counterpart</li><li>Negative Leverage: A negotiator’s ability to form his counterpart suffer</li><li>Normative Leverage: Using the opposite party’s norms to advance your position.</li></ul>

Types of Leverage

A few practical tips and tricks to help you go get what you deserve.

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Teamwork

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Leadership & Management

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Money & Investments

Ask for a Raise

A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home. After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations and into Voss’s head, revealing the skills that helped him and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles—counterintuitive tactics and strategies—you too can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal life. Life is a series of negotiations you should be prepared for: buying a car, negotiating a salary, buying a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner. Taking emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.

business

Business

books

Books

A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations and into Voss’s head, revealing the skills that helped him and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles—counterintuitive tactics and strategies—you too can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal life.Life is a series of negotiations you should be prepared for: buying a car, negotiating a salary, buying a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner. Taking emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.

A 24 year veteran of the FBI, Chris Voss is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiating skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. Voss has taught for many business schools, including the University of Southern California's Marshall School of Business, Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business, Harvard University, MIT's Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management, among others.

Chris Voss

Tahl Raz is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Tahl Raz has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Tahl Raz's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Tahl Raz

Never Split the Difference

<ol>
<li>Use the time of a total stranger in a way that they won't feel it was wasted.</li>
<li>Give the reader at least one character to root for.</li>
<li>Every character should want something, even just a glass of water.</li>
<li>Every sentence must reveal character or advance the action.</li>
<li>Start as close to the end as possible.</li>
<li>Make awful things happen to your leading characters so that the reader may see what they are made of.</li>
<li>Write to please just one person.</li>
<li>Give your reader as much information as soon as possible. Readers should understand what is going on, where and why, enough that they can complete the story themselves.</li>
</ol>

Kurt Vonnegut: How to write a good short story

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Reading & Writing

Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 Tenets of Storytelling - Brain Pickings

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

<ol><li>Listening makes people feel like they matter, which in turn makes them work harder.</li><li>Arrogance talks. Humility listens. Practice humility by letting others speak.</li><li>Listen to help others learn what they really think and find clarity.</li><li>Listen to understand what needs to be acted upon. </li><li>Curiosity. Listen to ask a question.</li></ol>

The 5 Purposes Of Listening

<ol><li>An attention span compromised by excess of stimulation.</li><li>Nagging issues take over your mental space leaving little space for listening.</li><li>Lack of empathy makes you ignore how other people feel when they are not heard.</li><li>Conversational dominance and impatience.</li></ol>

4 Reasons You Hate To Listen

The most neglected work of leadership is listening. The reason? It's hard work. If leadership is about others, listening is about leadership. 4 reasons you hate to listen: A squirrel's attention span. Busy leaders look like squirrels caught in traffic. Dripping faucets. Nagging issues drip in the back of your mind.

The Five Purposes of Listening

If you are planning to speak about something in front of an audience, you must know a lot about the topic - on average, 3 times as much as you're going to speak about it.
You need to have a real point (a problem you are trying to solve) and various narratives at hand that you can refer to in order to explain your point.

The background research part

<ul>
<li>Organize what you're talking about around the problem you are trying to address: set up a dozen of stories around your point as a journey that circles the main point.</li>
<li>Talk about what you know and use your personal experience. You can also bring external material, but that needs to be tied to the real world through your own experience.</li>
</ul>

Organize  your speech

<ul>
<li>Speak directly to the members in your audience; look at a single person at a time, focus on them, and talk to them like you would have in a normal face to face conversation. This will help you see if they are following along.</li>
<li>Listen to your audience. It's best to have a silent audience. If the audience is dead silent, that usually means you are on track.</li>
</ul>

Speak directly to your audience

Facts with no meaning are dull.
Tie every fact (or set of facts) you present to a story, to emphasize why knowing these facts will bring value and will influence the perception about the world of the people listening.

The essence of meaning

Your speech should be a process of truthful exploration, almost like a journey you are taking your audience along.
Don't aim for an overprepared speech and leave space for play and exploration: have a point (a theme), a body of knowledge, and actively explore that theme in front of your audience.

Play and exploration

You too should be able to learn something from your talk. So take this as an opportunity to think on your feet.
This makes your speech exciting and entertaining, even if it also gives it a big probability of failure.

A learning experience

You may have to speak with notes when you are a beginner. Notes are a sort of safety net: If you use them, the probability to fail is minimal.
But you'll never do anything spectacular if you always rely on them. Spectacular means being willing to take risks.

Spectacular means taking risks

For the Review by @TeamYouTube and This is the the email Where Jordan Peterson grants me Partial License. @TeamYouTube please, understand that my videos have been sorted and some deleted but I should now be in the right, now. Also, Anyone that can tweet this URL https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNdW82WWvjQEF5tUWVXvdKg/community @TeamYouTube please do The intro song is Gymnopedie No. 2 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Original upload: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VpxJg6jeMo Please, like, share, subscribe, and comment! Also, please, turn on your notification button/bell next to the subscribe button for the latest interviews and Jordan Peterson clips, videos, lectures and speeches. Jordan B. Peterson's New Book: 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos: http://amzn.to/2H4kUYW Jordan Peterson's Links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jordanbpeterson Self Authoring: http://selfauthoring.com/ Jordan Peterson Website: http://jordanbpeterson.com/ Podcast: https://jordanbpeterson.com/jordan-b-peterson-podcast/ Reading List (2017): https://jordanbpeterson.com/2017/10/great-books/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/jordanbpeterson United States Affiliate Link: http://amzn.to/2BFsNEr UK Affiliate Link: http://amzn.to/2Ix8ZUS Canada Affiliate Link: http://amzn.to/2GH5jPU All amazon links on this page are affiliate links and Benefit the Dose of Truth Channel, thank you for supporting!

5 negative mindsets that can wreck your judgment

May the 4th Be with You: All About the Star Wars Holiday

Want to have better, deeper conversations? Try this

The bias that makes innocent emails seem offensive

How the end-of-history illusion prevents you from shaping your future self

Harper A.