How to stop arguing with your spouse.

Be aware that when feelings of annoyance or irritation rise up you are much more likely to lose focus of the common goal and say something you don’t mean.

When you notice yourself feeling angry, take a moment to refocus and make sure you are being intentional with your words.

Responding means you take time to listen and think about what your spouse is trying to communicate.

Reacting is when you are speaking out of emotion, not intention.

Make sure you understand why your spouse thinks and feels the way they do. Then make sure they know that you understand.

One of the best ways to do this is to repeat back to them, in your own words, what they have just communicated to you. Then give them the chance to agree with you or point out where you have misunderstood them.

Oddly enough, a large amount of arguments come from having two slightly different definitions of a word.

for example if you say “that’s crazy” you might mean that it is amazing or awe inspiring. But they might think you mean it is horrible or illogical.

Know that most of the time all an argument means is that you and your spouse have misunderstood each other.

Work together to find the misunderstanding and resolve it.