Gözde Yeşiltaş's Key Ideas from Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
by Mira Kirshenbaum

You must honestly ask:

• Do you trust your partner?

• Can you talk openly without fear of punishment or neglect?

• Do you feel respected and seen?

If the answer is “no” to the above, resentment and emotional erosion are already in progress.

Look for recurring patterns (e.g., stonewalling, gaslighting, cycles of anger/withdrawal).

Pattern = Prognosis: If the problems keep coming back, they’re likely fundamental mismatches.

If one or both of you aren’t changing behavior despite promises, it’s not going to improve.

Kirshenbaum’s brilliant trick:

Imagine the next year together.

If you were guaranteed one really good year, would you stay for just that?

If you still hesitate, that’s a big answer: you’ve already emotionally checked out.

Pay attention to your self-esteem, energy, and joy.

If you feel like you’ve become a smaller version of yourself to survive the relationship, it’s a deep sign it may be killing your spirit.

Relationships should help you be more yourself, not less.

Even if you love them, it’s not enough if:

• You’re chronically unhappy or stuck.

• You’re doing all the work.

• You’re fantasizing about being free, more than about being close.

Kirshenbaum emphasizes: Love isn’t rare. But love plus compatibility, safety, and growth? That’s the true deal.

“If staying is killing your joy, your truth, or your soul—even if it looks good on paper—you already know. You just need the courage to act on it.”